the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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