Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize