I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
