Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
