i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
