i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
