I'm pants shitting drunk right now
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
