You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
