last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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