I want to have your abortion
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
