Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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