i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
