i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
