what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
