Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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