Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i was born a porn star she said
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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