Betty ford says i'm here all night
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
