I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
