I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
