Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
