i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
