It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
