I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
