You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
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