Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
