last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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