My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Randomize
