you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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