My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
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