You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
