forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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