I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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