absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Just pee around me
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
