he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Randomize
