I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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