i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
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