so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
