Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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