he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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