I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
