Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
