I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize