gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
