Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
