I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
