By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
