tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
