tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
