I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
the liver wants what the liver wants
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
