we have pet lesbian snakes
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
