you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
