at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Randomize
