can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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