The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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