Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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