This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
