I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
