I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
