Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize