I wish I could punch you in the face.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
