WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize