Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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