Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
