I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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