I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
