um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
