Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
