We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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